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Learning to Love the Unlovable

So a few nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night and started thinking about my relationship with my father and I started crying. I have no idea why I was so emotional but I think I was just hurt. 

In short, my parents divorced when I was 5 which was totally fine.  I was never sad over it.  However, I was mad and angry for years because he never did anything for me. Never helped pay for my private school education, didn't help with college or my flights back home even though he worked for an airline, he just did absolutely nothing and that's what I've been angry about. The things he said he would do he would lie about because it never happened.  I see him about two to three times a year. I don't need for him to talk to me, spend time with me or do whatever else but atleast show me that you care.  He would try calling and texting but I didn't want any of that.  By me something - gift giving is my love language.  Every time I asked for something he'd say all I want is money.  So yeah that's the story of me and my biological father.  My mom is my everything so i was never the whoa is me kid I want a dad lets cry all night because I have issues with males because of the lack of a father figure.  Umm no I'm not that way at all.  All I'm asking is that you show me in actions you care rather than talk, talk, talk.  With your mouth you say you love me but with your actions as seen above clearly you don't.

I was supposed to have lunch with my dad a few days ago but he called that morning and said he wanted to reschedule because he just got off of work.  I can say I was extremely relieved.  I wasn't looking forward to or interested in going to have lunch with him.
This was something he wanted and I just agreed to do so.  When I woke up I kept thinking of all the things I just want to tell him before 2014.  How I don't want to carry around all this baggage of my feelings towards him any longer.  It's been 22 years and I just want him to know the happy and the natural.  I've felt this way many times but somehow it never happens.  Lately each time I tell myself just give it to God.  You may want him to change but it's not going to happen.  Which is true incase you don't know you cannot change a person but God can and prayer works. 

God is dealing with me in the situation prompting me to show him love regardless and to show Christ like character but you know my flesh is saying otherwise. Anyways when I woke up that morning I saw a tweet online by Danielle Erwin of worth the wait ministry and she said, "Looking for closure? Let God set that up. Don't take it upon yourself to try and mend God-sized wounds."  That spoke right to my situation and I said God please help me to let this go and give it to you for real this time.  I'm tired of it burdening my soul. Let God be the judge of that person.  They will have to answer to Christ one day and so will you.  Love on them and treat them the way Christ treated those people who wronged him and ultimately killed him. I am praying for my father and I'm praying for me to show love to him be uase I surely know that I cannot do it alone.  I don't know if you are in a situation similar to this with someone who wronged you like a friend, brother, sister, mother, father, what have you but I want to encourage you to release that today.  Don't take that into 2014.  A new year, with new beginnings.  Let's walk in love.  That's the greatest commandment it is not our job to tell someone off or set them straight but to love them.  That's it.  Focus loving others in 2014.

"Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. 2 Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us[a] and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God" - Ephesians 5:1-2 

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© Miss TierraneyMaira Gall