The whole purpose of this blog is to use what I have gone through and what I am going through in my life to hopefully help others who have gone through the same experiences or will encounter the same experiences.
I hope to encourage others to make the best of their experiences in the best way possible and to learn from my mistakes and what has helped me.
With that said, today I am starting with a new series on my blog called, Daughters with Silent Fathers.
In this series I will discuss several topics geared towards women who grew up without a father or maybe had a father in their home that they saw everyday but had no true relationship with. Upcoming posts, on this series will be What to look for in a man/husband, How to rid yourself of bitter feelings towards your Father, How this affects your relationship with men & etc… I am also open to suggestions.
To start off I would like to begin with sharing my story with my father. My mom and dad divorced when I was five. Now, unlike most kids, I did not have any sadness or remorse over this. I was fine with it because I love my mom. I was cool with it just being me and her. It was really no problem. I was NOT the kid that sat in a corner and cried for hours because mommy and daddy are divorced. It did not affect me in that way.
I vividly recall my mom on the phone with my dad and when she got off the phone with my dad she looked at me and said, “Me and your dad are getting a divorce.” I stopped playing, looked at her and said, “Okay” and continued to play. I was five years old at the time so it could have been the fact that I didn’t even understand what the word divorce meant. Yet, somehow I feel that even if I did know what the term meant I wouldn’t really care.
Growing up I only saw my dad on holidays and not every holiday just certain ones throughout the year. That was fine. I didn’t need to see him. I didn’t want to see him. My love language is not quality time. Therefore, I did not need him around me and spending time with me. My love language is gift giving and receiving. If you bought me a gift then you were considered alright in my book. However, my dad never bought me anything. The things that he said he would buy he never bought them. The only gift he gave was empty, broken promises and a fear of trust – a gift I wish I could return.
I don’t really trust people. My father isn’t the only one to blame for this but he is definitely a heavy contributor. Most people have to prove themselves to me before I can fully trust them. I don’t just trust peoples word, instead I need it backed up by action. Others can just take peoples word and believe if they say they are going to do something then they wait in expectation for them to come through. Whereas, I’m more prone to not really believing you’re going to follow through with your word until I actually see the fruit of you doing what you said you were going to do.
Honestly, this can be dangerous. This is because it can spill over into my relationship with God. In fact, it has spilled over into my relationship with God. I constantly have to remind myself that God is my Heavenly Father NOT my earthly father and he does not make the same mistakes. He doesn’t claim to do things that he doesn’t do. My Heavenly Father is true to his word and I need to rest in His promises. I remind myself of that often. Many times I look in God’s word and read His promises during quiet time with Him and he may reveal certain things to me or re-assure me of a desire I have that He is going to bring to pass(such as marriage). However, if I don’t see the action or that fruit immediately I easily start to question his promises all as a result of my earthly father and other people who have let me down in my life. I have learned to not allow what my earthly father has done or failed to do affect how I relate or see my Heavenly Father. I encourage you reading to also not fall into this trap. Trust God. His track record is solid.