I remember around December sitting on my couch during winter break and thinking what if God wanted me to teach for another year? RECORD SCRATCH. Insert scooby do confused yelp. No, Jesus. I love you but I cannot. I will not. No way. No how. The thought of another year made me nauseous.
After year two I knew what I was going to do. Which is code for I came up with some little plan to occupy my time but really had no idea if that was what God wanted me to do or what I really even wanted to do. I just wanted something else. Something other than teaching. You see I was going to do She is Set Apart fulltime. Running the blog, planning conferences and other events, and selling merchandise for the ministry and enroll in seminary. I thought look Jesus I'll be working for you fulltime. Aren't you happy?
Little did I know I was already working for Jesus fulltime.
You see I had my mind made up. I wasn't happy on this job so I was going to fulfill my two years and dip. I wanted a job that I would love coming to everyday and would make me happy. Selfish little me. I read this blog post by conversationed.com titled, Why half of the nation's new teachers can't leave the profession fast enough. While reading this blog I felt as if someone took all of my feelings about teaching from my private thoughts locked in my brain and shared them with the world. Here's a quote from the post "It’s very hard to stay at a job where you are not supported, appreciated or trusted. Add disrespectful students and parents, and it becomes a daily battle to go to work" DAILY BATTLE. #EnoughSaid
Over time I realized you see God never told me to leave this job. He never said go find a job that makes you happy stamp my name on it and live happily ever after. He didn't tell me to move. I told me to move and that was a problem.
Between December and May God was working on my heart and mind without me even realizing it. For the first time I found joy in a job I wanted to quit within a matter of a few weeks of year one. But God is so patient with me and I love him for that.
He showed me a different side to my students a loving caring side that was just what I needed. Some of those kids became like family to me and I'd do anything for them.
God showed me that despite the daily battle that this job brings in the end it's worth it. The good far outweighs the bad.